By ELAINE KULINSKA Mar. 5, 2016
WASHINGTON – People around the United States today reacted to the news that in 2005, Hillary Clinton was photographed with Republican Presidential Candidate, Donald Trump, unveiling an unimaginable reality where politicians and media personalities might sometimes come into social contact.
The photo – which depicts Hillary and Bill Clinton at the wedding between Donald Trump and Melania Knauss – has caused a major stir not only within Clinton’s campaign, but has also shaken American culture to its core.
James Carville, renowned political strategist, was uncharacteristically flummoxed by the revelation. “I mean this just blows the lid off of American politics,” exclaimed a barely-coherent Carville. “It’s almost as if there are different social and economic groups in the US, and it’s almost as if members of these groups will at times cluster together in gatherings. For example, did you know that Hollywood actors have – for generations now – assembled once a year for a huge gathering known as the “Oscars?” Why, just the other day I was walking past the local barbershop and everyone in there – I mean, everyone – came from generally the same neighborhood and economic background! You can’t tell me that’s some sort of coincidence. There’s something deeper at play, here.”
Mustafa Emirbayer, Professor of Sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, told reporters that, “the fact that a wealthy American was in the same room at the same time with a politician proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that they’re in cahoots. It was Trump’s wedding for crying out loud! Isn’t it a little suspicious that a politician would make an appearance at a rich man’s wedding? These things just never, ever, ever happen. And if they do happen then that’s just… I mean.. that’s just the most mind-blowing thing imaginable.”
Former CIA Director R. James Woolsey, Jr., had deeper insight into the affair than most. “This can only speak to a massive conspiracy at the highest levels of government,” said Woolsey. “We don’t know how far this rabbit hole goes. This Trump wedding is really just the tip of the iceberg when you start talking about collusion in American politics. Aside from the Clintons, how many other of the over 400 guests at that wedding are also part of Trump’s conspiracy? They all must be. Did you know that Shaqille O’Neal, Matt Lauer, Katie Couric, Tony Bennett and Billy Joel were also there? Billy Joel? Suspicious, don’t you think? And that’s only a dozen people! Imagine the other 380 or so people we don’t know about who very well also may have been in a photo with Trump.”
The revelation that Clinton and Trump occupied adjacent physical space at a private function attended by 400 people has turned American politics inside-out, and has been heroically disseminated across the internet by a brave network of Bernie Sanders supporters.
When reached for comment, Bernie Sanders placed his face in his hands and wept softly.
“I was right,” he whispered between sobs. “This whole time… I was right.”
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