By MIRANDA SAUNDERS Jan. 20, 2017
WASHINGTON – The predictable end-result of thirty years of conservative media policy was sworn in as the 45th President of the United States this afternoon.
The predictable end-result of thirty years of conservative media policy was sworn in despite losing the election by 3 million popular votes, making the predictable end-result of thirty years of conservative media policy the fourth Presidential candidate to win the Presidency despite losing the vote, as well as the fourth Republican Presidential candidate to win the Presidency despite losing the vote.
While supporters were celebratory, the majority of politicians and members of the United States population proved to be extremely unhappy. Some lifelong Republicans expressed shock at the election of the predictable end-result of thirty years of conservative media policy – who is named Donald Trump – many having abstained from voting for either candidate.
“I honestly couldn’t bring myself to do it,” said Jennifer Knowles of Stockbridge, PA. “I’m a Republican through and through but I really couldn’t vote for a man who encourages violence against protesters and who invokes the same rhetoric as some of history’s worst dictators. On the other hand, I’ve been following Bill O’Reilly’s coverage of Hillary Clinton for years now and it couldn’t be more clear that she’s a criminal of the highest order who is a sociopath capable of eradicating any and all evidence of her most heinous crimes. I certainly could never vote for her.”
Others were quick to cite the insufferable attitudes of East-coast liberals for Trump’s victory.
“People around here are just sick and tired,” said Betty Stanton of Laramie, WY. “We’re sick and tired of the elitism of total strangers from New York City who we’ve never met. All you have to do is turn on Fox News to hear about how condescending these liberal elites are towards good, hardworking Americans like us. And don’t even get me started on those people out in Hollywood.”
John Smith, a Trump voter from Los Angeles who chose to retain his anonymity, confided, “Everyone I know personally out here is some screeching liberal stereotype and I simply can’t stand it, anymore. I’ve never really talked politics with my friends but it’s evident that they all fit neatly into the mold that Alex Jones always lays out on Infowars; they’re arrogant, entitled, fragile snowflakes, probably beyond any sort of reasonable discussion, which is why I’ve never even bothered discussing the issues with them.”
Others had more practical reasons for supporting the candidate. Daniel Wallace lives in Texas, a state where Governor Rick Perry refused to expand Medicaid under the Affordable Care Act, blocking the act from taking effect in his state.
“Obamacare is a total failure,” said Wallace. “I live in Texas and I can’t even afford health insurance. Glenn Beck was right about the Affordable Care Act all along; it’s just another attempt to impose socialism by Barack Hussein Obama.” Wallace went on to clarify, “And according to what I read on Breitbart, Trump already signed an executive order that just fixed healthcare for everyone, so I should be fine from now on, unless the Democrats ruin it.”
“I like to stay informed,” Shelby Wentworth of Mesa, AZ told reporters. “So I’m confident that when I say Hillary Clinton is by-and-large the most crooked, corrupt and dangerous human being alive, I’m not coming from a biased perspective. This is all factual stuff that anyone would know if they’d just listen to what Rush Limbaugh has had to say on the matter for the past twenty years.”
“You lost, get over it,” said Daniel Colton of Cheboygan, MI. “Get over yourselves, Trump won in a landslide. If you don’t believe me just check out the Sean Hannity Show.”
Editor’s Note: This year marks the 30th anniversary of the FCC’s elimination of the Fairness Doctrine by Ronald Reagan appointee, Mark S. Fowler. The Fairness Doctrine ensured equal media time for opposing political viewpoints and was introduced in 1949 to prevent media from becoming propaganda for any one political viewpoint.
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