Vice’s Gritty Multimedia Reboot of “A Christmas Carol” Met With Universal Praise

Christopher Cantwell, praised by critics for his re-imagining of Ebeneezer Scrooge as a cowardly neo-Nazi (YouTube)

By JONATHAN KIM     August 17, 2017

LOS ANGELES – The first chapter of Vice Media’s gritty re-imagining of Charles Dickens’s “A Christmas Carol” was released on YouTube earlier this week. Titled “Charlottesville: Race and Terror,” the take-no-prisoners reboot of the beloved Christmas classic was followed up yesterday by its second half, “Crying Nazi Snowflake Needs a Safe Space.”

The multimedia endeavor has garnered near universal acclaim, with critics and viewers alike praising the filmmakers for so perfectly capturing the texture and relevance of the original work without resorting to cynicism or melodrama. Matt Zoller Seitz, writing for RogerEbert.com, said that the film’s first half “Perfectly re-packages the violence, detachment and hubris of the original protagonist’s worldview; instead of the pleas of street urchins stomped out underfoot by the capitalist greed of Ebeneezer Scrooge, we are witness to the weary humanity of Charlottesville’s citizens as they struggle with the evil and callousness of white supremacy and neo-Nazi violence. The bewildered rage of a bespectacled black man – his spirit crushed by watching James Alex Fields, Jr murder and maim wholesale a crowd of local counter-protesters – bears more weight and truth than a thousand Tiny Tims.”

The film reinterprets Ebeneezer Scrooge as Christopher Cantwell, a man whose hate for immigrants, liberals, and black Americans is matched only by his childlike preoccupation with violence. We watch Cantwell eagerly anticipate violent opposition, his eyes lighting up with glee any time he thinks a counter-protester might push or shove one of his neo-Nazi compatriots, so that he might unleash righteous retaliatory fury. At one point, Cantwell waxes on about the fantasy of someday being forced to kill a dangerous adversary with one of his six different firearms, all of which he puts on jubilant display for the audience in a scene more reminiscent of a child showing off his toy collection. Cantwell’s words barely veil his obvious desire to foment violence so that he might strike down his deadly opponents.

Cantwell’s deadly opponents never materialize. Like most protests in the United States and throughout the Western world, the violence never escalates to the small-arms-fire battle that Cantwell and his friends wish it would. Armed militiamen, coated in tactical armor and sporting semi-automatic rifles, stand as impotent as clusters of carolers might have in Dickens’s original version; full of spirit, but unable to satisfy any purpose.

It is these images of white men, armed and postured for action in the name of their racial superiority, that drives the narrative of the first half of the film, with Cantwell’s disdain and nearly Vaudevillian lack of understanding of the black experience in America matched only by his mania for perceived oppression. It is this total ignorance of American culture, and his narrow, paranoid preoccupation with unnumbered imaginary antagonists that perfectly set up the second half of this masterpiece.

“Crying Nazi Snowflake Needs a Safe Space” is the exquisite followup to the film’s first part, and features a tearful and terrified Cantwell, suddenly faced with the consequences of his actions and beliefs, bawling helplessly at the prospect of being in trouble with the law.

The messaging is obvious: Cantwell shows utter disdain for minorities in the United States, who must face the reality of increased and fatally-disproportionate law enforcement action on a daily basis, but when he himself is suddenly in the position of possibly facing an arrest warrant, his bravado crumbles immediately, and he lacks the basic emotional strength and resolve that the minorities he so despises manage to muster when placed in the exact same situation. One need look only as far as the shooting of Philandro Castille and witness the staunch resolve of Diamond Reynolds as she stared down the smoking barrel of a trigger-happy officer’s gun, and one sees the grimly comic difference. Cantwell shouldn’t be anywhere near the kitchen, because forget the heat… even the thought of an open flame brings him to tears.

Some critics felt that the second half’s outcome was a little too on the nose, but conceded that the raw, pathetic emotion on display more than made up for its rote narrative shortcomings.

While critics fawned over this daring re-imagining of “A Christmas Carol,” they are universally unimpressed with Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin’s half-baked reboot of the Cold War, hoping that the production will fizzle before it reaches completion.

‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Flops at Box Office

Pictured:  characters nobody cares about, from a movie no one will see (AP)

By JONATHAN KIM    Dec. 28, 2015

LOS ANGELES – Fulfilling the direst of predictions from earlier this year, the December release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens was a monumental failure, both critically and commercially.

2015 saw a growing push-back against what small segments of the viewing public saw as progressive politics being inserted into beloved film franchises, with accusations of a liberal or feminist agenda informing such films as Mad Max: Fury Road and Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

Indeed, prominent Canadian film critic Aaron Clarey, well-known for his keen grasp of popular culture, decried Fury Road as feminist propaganda that depicted women in leadership roles, something that is impossible and unheard of in the real world.  Of the film – the fourth in the iconic Australian film franchise that is a hallmark of uniquely-Australian culture – Clarey wrote that the movie was, “guaranteed to be nothing more than feminist propaganda… a piece of American culture ruined.”

While Clarey and other online commentators – many identifying as right-wingers or “white nationalists on paper” – tried to warn the viewing public against the slow creep of feminist propaganda, the studios were not deterred.  Sadly, Fury Road opened to empty theaters, essentially bankrupting Warner Brothers overnight.

Similar to the Fury Road debacle, Disney’s new Star Wars film allegedly features not only a woman, but also a man of color as its two protagonists, a sure indicator that this latest entry in the beloved science-fiction franchise is another Trojan-horse attempt to brainwash audience members with progressive propaganda.

Renowned Canadian film critic and household name, Davis M.J. Aurini, being staunchly pro-white and anti-feminism, wrote of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, “the underlying message of the movie is that men – and White men in particular – are useless, destructive failures,” and encouraged audiences to stay away.

Undeterred by the negative feedback as well as the “ironically” racist Twitter hashtag, #BoycottStarWarsVII, which gained traction among the general viewing public in October of this year, Disney released Star Wars: The Force Awakens during the Christmas season.  Sadly, in a repeat of the Mad Max: Fury Road release, Star Wars opened to empty theaters, with Disney suffering losses in the billions.

“We’re flabbergasted,” said Bob Iger, CEO of The Walt Disney Company.  “We thought we’d be able to sneak our nefarious subliminal messages of female superiority, miscegenation and the impotence of the White Man into this film and brainwash the viewing public.  We just never believed we’d have a repeat of Fury Road on our hands.”

While Disney suffered a massive hit, with The Force Awakens failing to sell even a single ticket, Iger was optimistic about the company’s future.  “We’ve certainly learned from this mistake,” said Iger.  “Where we initially thought that the criticisms levied against the film were coming from a very backwards, regressive minority of racists and misogynists, we understand now that the world just isn’t ready for things like a female protagonist, or a black main character.”

As of press time, Disney had announced that it will be recouping its losses with a re-make of the silent-era classic, The Birth of a Nation.  The D.W. Griffith film that depicted the Ku Klux Klan as triumphant heroes in post-Civil War America will be helmed by Mel Gibson.  Bruce Willis will star.  No women or people of color will appear in the film.

J.J. Abrams, director of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, will never work in Hollywood again.